No, we will NOT be visiting your stupid city (Jim)

Frequently when talking to people, both strangers and friends alike about our road trip, we are treated with some form of the expression "Oh, while you are in [state or region] you must be going to [city in aforementioned geographical area]".  Well, no actually.  So far on this trip we have been to only two places I would call cities, both of which seemed exotic enough to us to justify the trip: Halifax, Nova Scotia and Portland, Oregon.  I recognize that your definition of 'exotic' may differ from ours.  Oh, and we went to Spokane, Washington and Rapid City, SD for the sole purposes of exploiting shower and laundry resources of friendly Couch Surfing hosts.  So they don't really count.

Rapid City, you don't count.  Because you are terrible.

We kept a wide berth of Boston, New York City, Toronto, Chicago, Detroit, Green Bay and the Twin Cities.   We even took a ferry across the Puget Sound to avoid getting too close to Seattle.  We do have plans to see such places as San Francisco, Nashville and Washington DC eventually but it is the presence of friends that will bring us there and not the cities themselves.

What do we have against cities?  Technically, nothing.  We also have nothing in them (ourselves, get it? Ba-dum ching?  Sigh).  Some people might consider it a waste to drive within spitting distance of our nation's major cultural centers but it really comes down to a matter of practicality and tastes. 

Practically speaking, we are driving a 20' truck.  Not a behemoth, but certainly not fun to drive on crowded freeways or hectic downtowns, particularly considering the angry nature of city drivers (OMIGOD I HAVE TO GET TO THAT RED LIGHT FASTER WHILE TEXTING ON MY SEVENTH IPHONE AND SIPPING THIS STARBUCKS LATTE!!!)  Plus, our rear view mirror is rendered useless by the presence of the camper.  Parking is possible in most spaces but difficult enough to be a deterrent.  We don't fit in parking garages, relegating us to lots on the outskirts of most downtowns.  Our F250 draws judgmental glares from hybrid and scooter drivers. 



You're also a dipshit

Oh, and we also have a dog who is a pain in the ass to walk around on the cities as she alternates being terrified of walking over grates and trying to scarf down every single damn discarded fast food wrapper, cigarette butt, and chipmunk.  Leave her in the camper?  Oh perish the thought.  My only consolation during these excruciating walks is watching Lindsay on the verge of apoplexy as all the passers by dote on Keira, grabbing her face and kissing her nose because she is such a precious Golden and would never, EVER bite a human.  Personally, I would not begrudge her the occasional nibble of yuppie face to remind them that one shouldn't assume a dog won't bite you just because it has yellow fur.

This dog belongs here.....

 

...and not here, except when she is flipping off morons in an Apple store.  Did you know Apple has its own stores, with nothing but Apple products?  Did you know there were that many idiots in the world?

But really, the slight inconveniences of driving a truck and having a dog would not keep us out of cities if we really wanted to get in.  But we don't, because of our personal preference.  We don't really understand why you would want to go out of your way to see most American cities, frankly.

I will go so far as to say I do not understand what it is people do when they visit a city.  As far as I can tell, you can walk around and look at buildings and go out to eat and/or drink  That's basically it.

Some cities have reputations for amazing cuisines, and I do not doubt that every city has great restaurants...which is exactly why I don't care.  It's just not special enough to be worth the hassle.  For example:  I have been led to purchase dinner for two in Boston's North End (famed for its 'authentic' Italian cuisine) on two separate occasions (Significant Other Note: Neither of these were for Lindsay, she only gets rice and beans cooked in a camper).  What did I get for my trouble?  $100+ bills for the same pasta I could make at home, an hour wait, and crammed like a sardine into a floor so tight that my elbows knock with people from the tables on either side of me.  "Oh but the streets outside are narrow and this building is old and the cook is Italian and loud.  Oh and the cannolis!"  You know what?  Fuck your cannoli.  The stupid filling is nothing but ricotta cheese and powdered sugar and the outside is a fried dough tube.  Delicious?  Sure, but so is every other possible combination of sugar and fat on the planet.  Don't be fooled into thinking there is anything special about a North End Cannoli.

You really piss me off, Cannoli

In New York City?  Oh, well surely you must pay $15 a drink for a martini made from the same vodka as a martini in New Jersey or Alaska or Nicaragua.  Or better yet go read the New York Times in a coffee shop in Soho with a $14 latte with steamed soy milk art on top from a douchebag hipster barista.

Great.  A coffee with a milk froth drawing of a vagina.  Just what I was missing in my small town life.

Think about it.  We have all at one point or another visited a friend in a city.  What do they do with you?  Bring you out eating or drinking.  Is that really a good reason in itself to go to one?  Sure, San Antonio, Dallas and Houston have lots of great restaurants.  But so does your own town, and going there probably means you get to interact with fewer Texans, who are assholes.  We may have missed many good restaurants in Seattle, but guess what, we caught a couple great ones in Olympia at a half the cost and a fraction of the hassle.  Even when I used to enjoy expense account dinners in such cities as Minneapolis, Boston, Detroit and Denver, I would not say the food was noticeably better than at restaurants in small cities and towns.  Just more expensive.  And the beverages?

Could have spent $15 for a drink here....

...but I prefer this view...

...and Lindsay prefers this one: me in front of just half of the delicious free beers from touring Deschutes Brewery in Bend, Oregon.

So, we have established that we are not interested in driving in and around cities with our truck camper, and that we can enjoy high quality cuisine in the areas around cities.  If a city is interesting (good people watching?), it is worth a walk around and maybe a night boondocking on the road near a park.

And for the record, I do understand some of the cultural attractions.  I could spend days at the MET and probably weeks at the Smithsonian.  Some day I would like to re-visit Washington DC to see the monuments again.  I'll pass on your aquariums and zoos for condescending hippy ethical reasons.  I'm not interested in theater, and I'll take an intimate blues concert in Concord NH over a rock event at a night club in Boston any day.  Smaller towns can be just as rich in music, theater, and other such cultural events if one is so inclined.  As for architecture, sorry America, but you're just too young for me to be interested.  I would love to spend future vacations touring old world cities with actual ancient history, but that just doesn't happen here in North America:

I would go to Istanbul to see you...

...but not to Atlanta to see you.

Personally, I do not have anything against city life.  Sometimes I fantasize about the simplicity of living in a small apartment or condo, completely free of the worry of house and property maintenance one gets by choosing to live in a rural area.  The idea of not having to own a car is especially appealing.  Cities are designed well for the folks that live there, just not for traveling folks like us.

Also, remember that time I talked about all the good reasons to have a truck camper?  Well, the truck camper is great for visiting parks, forests, beaches, etc.  But it is completely unnecessary to visit cities.  If for some reason I ever become a moron and want to visit, say, Orlando, all I need to do is buy a plane ticket, rent an efficient car and get a room.  Cities are easy to visit.  Glacier National Park is not easy to visit without having driven your home completely across the country.

Getting here was hard...

...but this made it so much easier!

And finally, the significant other (S.O.) did a great job explaining the finances of the trip here.  Notice what isn't in the budget?  $300 for a Manhattan hotel room a night, $50 parking in Boston, or $100 dinners at any major city.  Our budget for an entire six months (minimum) of living, for two people, is $30K.  A single weekend in a major city could easily cost us $1000 or 3% of our entire road trip budget.  It's just not a good value for our money.  For a fraction of that cost, we could camp in a gorgeous natural setting for a full week, enjoying actual peace, beauty and quiet.

The luffa at Sylvan Lake in the Black Hills may not have been quite as luxurious as one at the Manhattan Hilton, but the cost and views were quite a bit better.  Sorry, Keira.

So please, let us be very clear, that NO, we do not want to visit Los Angeles, San Diego, Las Vegas, Phoenix, Denver St.LousAtlantaNewOrleansMiamiBaltimorePhiladelphia.  We just don't care.  If you are friends that live in a major metropolitan area and we visit you, let that be a clear indication that we actually like you (or want to use your washing machine). 

Road Trip Budget 101 (Lindsay)

This is part II of the scary financial overview and is a reference for other dreamers hoping to follow in our footsteps.  When Jim and I started researching how to pull off such a trip, we found very little information on how much it would cost.  I bought a book about a retired couple who travel in their RV full-time but their budget was almost triple ours and our interests were vastly different.   Thankfully, in this day of the internet, more blogs are popping up.  We found this one after we started the trip and while there are a lot of similarities, they took their trip in the early 2000's which affects the gas budget.  So, I will now delight you in "how to take a roadtrip like ours in 2013".  Take from it what you will.

The first piece was to determine the setup for the trip.  Jim has already done a fabulous job revealing how we came to the truck camper decision.  However, during the planning stages, we had no idea how much it would really cost up front to purchase our new home and required quite a bit of research on the market for used class B vans, used trucks and campers.  We were fortunate enough to have an entire RV store in NH dedicated to truck campers as they were otherwise difficult to find and improperly installed by large RV dealers.  We met with these guys, asked lots of questions, looked over the inventory and then went home.  (Jim is the King of delayed gratification.)

This is how Jim deliberates.

Three weeks later, we went back and settled on a used 2008 model that had only been used by a retired couple when they drove from New England to Florida and back each year.  It was in great condition save for one cabinet that still smelled like cigarette smoke.  Total price was $9,500 including all the stuff we needed to keep it from flying off the truck and the installation.  We had not yet purchased a truck so the warehouse offered to hold it for us for free until that happened.

The used truck market was a headache but our search was reduced drastically by the fact that we needed a 3/4 or one ton pickup to carry the camper safely.  Interestingly, there were only a handful of trucks near our town in NH which met our needs.  One was eliminated immediately as it had a bench seat and I would not have been able to both see over the steering wheel and reach the peddles without crushing Jim's legs on the dashboard.  We also needed a crew cab or extended cab for the precious poochies. 

She's so smoochie.

In the end, Jim found a F-250 extended cab with 118K miles and a limited warranty that didn't look like it was going to blow up and I invested $9.20 in this beautiful booster seat so I could assist in the driving.



No caption required.

The rest of our budget had been worked out in the previous months and it was as follows: (I apologize for the off center chart.  It hurts me more than it hurts you.)

This led to our goal a few years ago to each contribute $15K in savings for a total of 30K.  We knew we wanted to sell the house prior to leaving - not because we thought we'd make money but because this trip was about setting aside normal responsibilities and we didn't want to worry about such a huge investment while we were on the road.  When I calculated how long it would take me to save my portion, we figured we'd be ready to leave, at the earliest, in spring of 2013.  So we put the house on the market in March, priced it well and basically crapped our pants two weeks later when there was a reasonable offer with buyers who wanted to move in at the end of April.  Rather than sitting around for months waiting to leave on this trip, we were put in a lovely position to have to negotiate a later closing date so I could save the remaining portion and give my work a respectful notice.

But even with $30K, we attempt to be frugal when we can.  Here are some lessons learned from our experience: 

Parking has remained very low as we rarely stay in cities.  It's just a personal preference so if you're a city goer, plan accordingly.

Food: This is a biggie.  We try to save as much as we can by cooking in the camper.  Our grocery bills are slightly lower than what they were when we lived in a house and while we both love a good meal out, we try to save the restaurant part of our budget for a special occasion.  I do admit that this is a hard one for me as there's nothing better than a hot chocolate after a cold hike in the woods.  (And for Jim, there's nothing like a swig of whiskey which led to a hilarious memory of me standing outside a grocery store at 9am with a loaf of bread and a bottle of whiskey waiting for him to return from filling the water on the camper.  He showed up just as people started handing me their spare change.)

Our diet is super exciting and I'm surprised by the number of people who have asked us what we eat so for you weirdos, here's the basic diet:

Breakfast = eggs or oatmeal and the occasional pancakes if I whine enough.
Lunch = PB&J on the trails, granola bar and fruit (hello carbs)
Dinner = some combination of rice, beans, quinoa, lentils, tomatoes, veggies and cheese

Campsites:  This has had a huge impact on our budget in a positive way.  We had no idea how often we'd want or need a real campsite and if we'd be any good at this whole boondocking idea (parking for free anywhere).  I don't like to get yelled at so we overbudgeted this one just in case.  However, we've found that we're pretty damn good at boondocking and here are our tips:

Walmart - I know, I know, it sucks but it's free and they are everywhere.  We've stayed in Walmart parking lots five times since we started which is a savings of $99.90.  (Average cost of a campground is $19.98 with the most expensive being $59 - damn you Rhode Island - and the least, $6 - thank you primitive and beautiful campgrounds.)



It's just.  So... Peaceful.



Couchsurfing - Free website where hosts let people crash on their couches.  You just set up an account, email possible hosts and they tell you if they can have you over.  For us, we just need a driveway which has allowed us to stay with some people who didn't have space in their homes.  The added perk to this setup is a plug in (incredibly helpful on the hottest days of the summer), free laundry and SHOWERS!  Woohoo!  We've spent a total of seven nights at the mercy of strangers saving us $139.86 although the savings are more significant as we pulled this off on 4th of July weekend in Bar Harbor, Maine during which time campsites would have been much more expensive.

Harvest Hosts - $40 annual membership gets you access to wineries and farms throughout the US which will allow you to park on their properties.  We've just started doing this as we had plenty of places to crash in New England and it's been a good experience.  We parked at a winery where we were forced to drink free wine, a hay lot and a beautiful apple orchard among others saving us $99.90.

Random other options - Friends and family have been gracious enough to host us and we've spent a whopping 54 nights near our loved ones or on their properties including the majority of the first month we were on the road (hence the very low gas budget for the first six weeks of the trip).  This has been a true gift and we encourage everyone to send out updates via Facebook on your next general area as you never know the connections that will pop up.  Total savings = $1078.92!

The rest of the time we've boondocked, parking on the street in Halifax next to a beautiful park and the same on a street in Newport, Rhode Island.  We've parked in grocery store lots after batting my eyes at the manager to get permission.  We even parked in the hotel parking lot in Grand Teton National Park and didn't get caught.  Parks are notorious for fining people who are boondocking or even kicking them out of the park altogether so we spend most of our campsite budget when we arrive at a park.  Total boondocking savings = $239.76.



Boondocking in a farmer friend's field.



Hotels: We weren't sure how wimpy we'd be on this trip so we budgeted two nights a month in a hotel.  I'm proud to say we aren't wimpy at all and have only taken advantage of this twice.  Once when my mom paid for a room for us in Lake Placid when we were waiting for the truck to be fixed and the other for my birthday.  What girl doesn't want to spend her birthday in her pajamas watching movies and eating pizza? 

Phones:  I've mentioned this in the previous post but it's worth repeating.  Cell phones are the devil but I realize most of us need them.  Stop paying a premium to be part of a company whose name you recognize.  Every cell company out there has a competitor.  We switched from Sprint to Ting but there are comparable companies for AT&T, Verizon, etc. out there.  I get charged for how much I use the phone, I don't have a contract and it's the best customer service I've ever had.  Once, calling for help, the 800 number was answered on the second ring with this greeting: "Hi, it's Tim".  I paid $3.32 in the month of July because we were in Canada and I didn't call anyone.  They even waived the 60 text messages I sent.

Health Insurance:  This is too complicated for me to cover and obviously your needs may be different from ours.  We both signed up for individual plans with Anthem with a $5,900 deductible.  Meaning, we don't plan to get checked out this year but if a bison happened to gore one of us we wouldn't go bankrupt after 80 surgeries.  Hence the cheap rate.  Mr. Money Moustache does a better job than me explaining so for your reading pleasure, I suggest you read the following.  Followed by this one.

Student Loans:  This is the only debt that either of us carries and I've made a conscious decision not to pay this off the way I paid off the rest of my debt.  Why?  Because the interest rate is 0.875% and I'm better off saving money and investing than dumping it all into this.

Car Insurance:  I chose to keep my old Ford during this trip even though I'm risking some damage by not driving it through the winter.  That's where good ole mom comes in who is keeping little Fordie in her driveway and driving her on the weekends for me.  The insurance only covers medical bills if someone gets hurt and does not cover the cost of a replacement which saved me a bunch.  Keeping the car (I considered selling her at one point) means we have a fuel efficient option when we get back to the real world.

Fees: We knew entrance fees for national parks would be a large expense.  Luckily, you can get an annual pass for $80.  We have already saved $140 (after the cost of the pass) with this setup.

The rest are quite variable depending on your experience.  Keira costs us some - apparently she needs to eat but I took care of all of her vet bills before we left so I don't expect to spend money in this area while we're traveling.  (I have budgeted just in case)  We also have a cat being cared for at the in-laws so I have a budget for her.  (She is 17 years old and 17 is unpredictably expensive)  I thought I'd have to board Keira more in the parks where dogs are not allowed on trails but one of the greatest perks to the camper is the ability to safely leave her for the day at a campground while we go hiking.  Technically it's against the rules but well, I don't agree with this particular rule so I choose to ignore it.

The amount you see for gifts are actually for weddings and babies and not souvenirs for family and friends (although we've picked up some nice jams to thank people) so this was a matter of timing and not necessarily what one would spend on a trip like this unless you're a heavy gift giver.

So, that brings us to how we're doing compared to budget.  (are you still with me?)

As you can see, we are on budget to be on the road about seven months.  We figured between six and nine when we set out - six if we were extravagant (by our standards) and nine if we didn't use toilet paper and ate Ramen noodles.  We woefully underbudgeted on gas (not the amount per gallon but the amount we'd actually be driving) but overbudgeted on campsites so things even out.  We are preparing to enter areas of the country where we have fewer connections so we hope to be good enough at this couchsurfing/boondocking/harvest host thing to save money. 

I hope this has been helpful and you aren't currently keeled over in your chair snoring with boredom.   Feel free to ask us questions or provide new suggestions for saving money as we're always up for new tips.  (I'm not giving up my boxed wine so don't go there).  And remember, there are lots of ways to do this.  You just need to find what works for you.  For some, it's a bus of an RV and years of saving.  Some live out of their mini-vans or save the upfront capital expense of a camper and just stay in motels along the way.   We know people who tied a tent to their motorcycle and slept wherever they felt like.  Do what works for you, figure out a budget and start saving. 

"Little by little.  One travels far."

~J.R.R. Tolkien



So how did we do this anyway? (Lindsay)

It's only natural that friends and family have asked us how we could possibly pull off this trip.  Me, a mere 25 years old (HA! Just kidding - this post is about honesty and clearly I'm 26.  Or 31.  Ok, 28) and my 29 year old partner.  Others have been too "polite" to ask the money question (which is part of the problem with our culture around money btw and I'm happy to take that uncomfortable leap and share waaaaaay too much information about our finances).

As with all good stories, I'll start from the beginning:

Seriously?  Could I be any cuter???

It was only five years ago when I was so in debt I couldn't even pay for gas in cash.  A mix of great adventures and choosing the non-profit path for a career led to a perfect storm and a massive pile of   "no money" tears.  My four year degree cost me over 25K in loans and my ONE YEAR of grad school was an astounding $42,000.  But I was the entitled American who thought "eh, I'll pay for that later" and instead built up even more debt with a semester abroad in Australia (aka the best drinking experience of my entire life) and six months as a volunteer in Africa. (note: volunteer who had to pay her own way.)  Looking back, I certainly wouldn't change any of those experiences.  Inevitably my master's degree got me my first job in animal welfare and played a major role in my quick promotions.  Living abroad shaped who I am as a person.  But damn, couldn't I have found a way to reduce some of that debt?

Dan shaping me into the future me.



Because I had friends who paid for that semester abroad with cash, who paid their student loans while in school, who didn't just have roommates but shared rooms to save money and who went to an in-state school.  To my credit, I worked my butt off.  Took 26 credits my last semester in school just to graduate with two degrees in four years while working 30 hours a week and participating 15 hours a week in an animal behavior lab.  But our culture doesn't discuss money - we don't even offer a class in school - and I was woefully unprepared for college.  I'm sorry?  I have to learn about the Mayans, random math equations and the french word for "boat" (all interesting topics I admit - especially the French since it helped me get across a flooded road.  This one time...in Africa...) but not ONCE did we spend a semester talking about credit cards, debt, investing or how to really get a job once out of school.  And it would have been nice since this all occurred while simultaneously being bombarded with advertising about what I needed to buy?  And we wonder why Americans struggle to live below their means.

So the combination: higher education, three months of unemployment in 08, entitlement to a lifestyle out of my means and very easy access to credit cards = $71,500 in debt in 2009.  $18,500 of that was credit card debt, $7K in car payments, the rest was student loans.  And that doesn't include the $20K private loan from grad school that my dear mother was paying off for me and her monthly assistance in paying for my car and a $150 check each month in child support (for me, not my nonexistent baby - a very long story for another day - awkward....)

I moved back from Colorado in the spring of 2009, rented a room out of someone's house for the first time in my life (no more cushy living alone crap), spread out all my bills on my bed, looked at my new salary (35K with potential for a 10% performance bonus at the end of each year) and made a plan.  Now, admittedly, it is MUCH easier to start down this journey when you simultaneously cut your rent (mine dropped from $875 to $550 in the move) while getting a salary bump (from $27K to $35K) but seriously, 35K is fairly piddly money in this culture so if I could pull myself out of it with that salary, so can you. 

There are two common ways to get out of debt.  The first is to pay off your smallest debts first to positively reinforce yourself faster so you'll keep paying off debt.  The second is to pay off the debts with the highest interest rates first.  I chose option one because the credit card with the highest interest rate had a whopping $13,500 on it and I couldn't start there or I'd drown in cheap wine every night (although if you can take this road, you should because you save more money in the long run).

The funny thing is when you start getting serious about paying off your debt, the normal response is typically, "but I don't have anything to cut" so I started tracking every purchase I made and holy crap could I spend money left and right on really stupid things - chocolate, dog food, chocolate dog food, etc.   I set my first budget with limits on how much I could spend on the basics and cut everything else out.  With my new budget, I miraculously had $700 a month to put toward debt (amazing how much money you save when you stop highlighting your hair) AND $300 to dump automatically into a savings account.  One of my biggest challenges throughout the years would occur when I'd get a large check (tax return, bonus, etc.) and pay off my debt with it but because I never saved money, it only took one unexpected expense and I was back to the credit card.  My new savings account was created to curb that.

This would be Keira's tactic

And before you ask, no, I don't mooch off of the boy - we have separate finances and share only grocery expenses (well, until this road trip).  Yes, he paid a much higher share of our home including more of the utilities but I contributed $500/month toward the mortgage so that pesky rent expense did not go away just because I hit the romantic jackpot.  That's not to say it isn't much easier to figure all this out when you have a safety net but it's not all about striking it rich.

Over the next four years, my salary jumped incrementally (more responsibility) and I received my bonus each year - which immediately went to whatever debt I was currently paying off.  No more random trips because I suddenly had a big check.  And by January of 2012, a mere 2 1/2 years after my project began, I had paid off all $18,500 in credit card debt and my car.  I cannot even begin to tell you how liberating that is.  I now only use a credit card to MAKE money with a nice cash back program I have.  (FU credit card companies!)

Phase three (or eighteen I can't remember), was to bulk up my savings.  I had been putting money all along into my savings account but I really wanted 10K stashed away in an emergency fund.  They say six months is adequate and for me, that would have been a comfortable $6000 but my OCD self didn't like that number so I jacked it up.  Of course, the beauty of paying off debt, is that each time you pay something off, you suddenly have even more money to put toward the next thing (the amount you put toward debt + the minimum payments you had to pay on the others) so by now, I was saving about $1100 a month easily.  That 10K was saved up by spring of last year and it was on to this trip. 

Jim and I decided we'd like 30K to do this "well".  (More on the specifics of the road trip budget in the next blog - don't want to overwhelm the "non-numbers" people here.)  We had to create our own budget as there's very little information out there about roadtrips (unless you're 80 and living in a huge bus of a camper and spending all your money at restaurants and museums).  I think 30K divided by two is $15,000 so that was the amount required of each of us - Keira refused to contribute financially.  (This was new savings for both of us - we were not allowed to use the sale of the house, our emergency funds or retirement accounts for the trip)  Being the romantic breadwinner that he is, Jim would cover the capital purchases of the truck (15K) and camper (9K) - it seems engineers make a bit more than animal welfare professionals.  Notice he bought a used truck and negotiated the shit out of it and a used camper. 

So off I went, saving as much as I could because there's no better motivation to not buying another package of hostess cupcakes than the thought of retiring for a year.  And this winter, I had more than the 15K saved plus 5K to come home to if it took awhile to find work and another 5K in a retirement fund (holy crap, retirement?  Really?)  Seems impossible looking back - I mean, that's over $45,000 in four years between the debt and the new savings that I would have normally spent on crap.

Overall, here's my advice.  If you're living outside your means, there is a way to take control of it.  I don't claim to have it as hard as many, not even close - I had a job the past four years, I don't have kids to raise or an expensive wedding to fund (choices I made btw).  I grew up with a single mom who didn't receive financial support so I get it but everyone can find ways to save.  For me, I stopped buying books and DVD's (agh stuff!) and started going to the library every week for those things.  I stopped getting my hair did, canceled my gym membership, changed my cell phone plan to Ting (I only pay $12/month for what I was paying $75/month for before - do this now - http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/10/11/our-new-10-00-per-month-iphone-plans/) and I even lowered the quality of my dog's food (gasp!).  Not by much, mind you, but it seemed silly for her to eat better than me. 

And most importantly, I chose to spend money on the things that really mattered to me.  Travel has always been near the top followed by a comfortable place to live.  My health is certainly up there - I pay good money for real food (although I would argue that you save money by cooking real food each night) and I don't mind paying for an awesome yoga class.  But I don't shop - I HATE the mall so all of my clothes come from goodwill and I wear them long after they have holes.  I don't care about cars so my little Ford just passed the 140K place.  I stopped eating out all the time and when I do, it's for a fantastic meal.  So find the things that matter to you and cut the rest of the shit out.  I don't get the high-end purse thing but more power to you if you save up for them.  I don't claim to be a money expert but looking back, it's all so simple it drives you crazy that you fell for it.  One of my favorite blogs is Mr. Money Moustache who demolishes the idea that we can't all retire early and he does it with swear words.  http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/.

You could argue that we could have put this 30K toward our retirements and it would have quadrupled in interest, blah blah blah but I'm also a fan of balance (Libra-ness in me I suppose) and I've always believed in living your life fully.  This was the root of my financial woes in the first place but this time, I'm paying with cash.

"If it is important to you, you will find a way.  If not, you'll find an excuse."

Anonymous

I'm sorry, Tom Brady. It's not you, it's me. (Jim)

The date is September 8th, 2013 and I am driving through Wyoming.  I glance at the clock to see 11:05, AM.  A few minutes ago we passed a sign that read "Togwottee Pass, Elevation 9658."  Indeed, we had just crossed the Continental Divide, and the day was beautiful in a dark, wild way, with low gray clouds clipping the towering granite peaks around us on all sides and casting mysterious shadows in the valleys.  At a pull off, we were blessed with this view:



The Teton valley from Togwottee Pass

And yet I found my mind was not here; in fact I was actively failing in regards to my constant goal of living in the moment and being mindful of the present while on this trip.  Where was my mind?  Orchard Park, NY.  Two hours ahead of us near the east coast, Tom Brady was behind center for the first time of the new season, his bombardier eyes coolly surveying the defense, licking the tips of his index and middle fingers as he prepared to make the call.  But I do not know if he was in the shotgun or under center.  No clue as to the set.  I was missing opening weekend of the NFL.

I missed the irony at the time, but while I was missing Buffalo play New England, I was able to observe Buffalo play

I have a confession to make.  Since 2001, I have missed five Patriots games that I can think of.  I can even remember the circumstances with alarming clarity.  In 2003, I missed a game because I was attending a Redsox playoff game against the Athletics at Fenway with my Dad.  In 2004, I missed one to see Big n Rich / Brooks and Dunn play at the Tweeter Center (or whatever the hell it is called now).  In 2008, I missed opening day due to attending the wedding of a good friend, a bittersweet day in which I was blissfully spared the image of Tom Brady getting nuked for the season.  In 2009, I missed an October game while running the Seacoast Half Marathon in New Hampshire.  In 2012, I missed a late September game to support Lindsay as she ran a 50K trail race in Vermont.*



You know who DOESN'T look ridiculous while performing in athletics?  Tom Brady.

*The previous year, I had planned my first marathon (2011 Mount Desert Island in Bar Harbor, ME) such that I could collapse back in the hotel room with a six pack of Budweiser and a package of room temperature hot dogs in time for the Pats game.  Unfortunately, there is proof:

I'm not proud, but this happened.  Those hot dogs were never even warmed.

Did I mention I like football?  And that my team is the Patriots?  Up until 2001, we did not have cable (or satellite, or antenna to be clear) TV in our house.  My parents, in one of the many good decisions made during my childhood, had pulled the plug when I was a wee lad to spare my sister and I from watching too much Hey Dude or Clarissa Explains it All growing up.  And it worked, although being unable to watch sporting events at home meant I really had no cause to care about any professional team and missed out on most of the, ahem, great Bledsoe and Hugh Millen (lol) years.  However, a certain event in September of 2001 left us feeling cut off from society, and shortly after we had cable.  And the ability to watch the magical 2001 Patriots season, all of the games watched with my father right up until the Super Bowl victory.  (I would not suggest, of course, that the event to which I am alluding was in fact a brilliant, evil, maniacal plot of deception executed by the NFL Shadow Council to improve ratings....or would I?)


Make no mistake.  This man is pure fucking evil.

Indeed, some of my best memories of the 'aughts' (are we calling the 00's that yet?  Because I'm never writing "00's" again) involved the Patriots.  I went to school in Worcester, MA and enjoyed several dominant seasons alongside my fellow student fans.  In true nerdy fashion, most of the games I watched while doing homework (often with a particularly violent and bearded friend of mine, you know who you are).  I cannot say that my obsession with this team helped my grades in kinematics, differential equations or advanced engineering design endeavors, but I sure enjoyed watching the team play with the Worcester townies.  When I was home in NH, I had just as much fun watching with my father and endlessly debating and second guessing every call, and dammit shut up old man, any other time that draw on 3rd and 5 would have been converted.  Trust the coach.

Trust me.  It is your....destiny

And for every Patriots game I made sure I saw, you can believe that I watched at least two other games on any NFL weekend, plus the occasional Monday or Thursday night game, and of course every game during the playoffs.  I really like football.  In the four years we lived at our house in central New Hampshire, I made a ritual on NFL Sundays - up early to feign productivity with a workout / errands / yard work / run such that by 1pm I could be guiltless on the couch in pajama pants, adult beverage in hand, and lie horizontal gazing at the TV until the last game of the evening was over.  I've done silly things to not miss a game.  When traveling by myself through Virginia in 2009, I rented a sketchy $29 motel room at 1pm so I would not miss two Wild Card Weekend games (and had to explain to the convenience store clerk from where I purchased a six pack, that yes, New Hampshire is a state, you ignorant southerner).  Two weeks later, I passed up an opportunity to backpack in the Nantahala Wilderness so I would not miss the Championship weekend games. 

My obsession with the NFL is frankly at odds with the rest of my character.  First of all, I despise the typical Masshole Patriots fan - among the truly most obnoxious human beings on the planet, and I am completely perplexed why anyone would actually choose to live inside the 495 corridor; indeed, my consolation when the Pats lose is that people like this suffer:

I have not the words to express my hatred for you...

....or you

I like to hike, run, and otherwise play in the woods.  I like reading books with one word titles like "Cod" and "Dirt" and "Cooked".  I am an extreme introvert and dislike bars and other loud confusing places.  I have a contempt of conspicuous consumption culture and will go to my grave before spending a dime on an Apple or Harley product.  For the most part I am not interested in television despite a fondness for Family Guy (another holdover from college) and an inexplicable interest in cooking competitions.  I still don't get what the hell Instagram is for.  Bottom line - the NFL fits a persona that really isn't exactly me.  I have always viewed it as a guilty pleasure, and been vaguely annoyed that the team has been able to imprint a fondness for them on my psyche, despite the completely unnecessary things they choose to do (fight over a ball wearing tights).

But damn do I love it.  Let me count the ways.

1. The game - it really is a big, fast chess match.  I truly get absorbed in the matchups, the schemes, and the constantly evolving game as players and coaches try to outsmart the other

   

   I know that you will blitz so I should max protect.  But I also know that you know I know you will blitz, so you won't blitz, so I should spread the field.  But I also know that you know I know *head explodes*

2. The ritual- November and December in New England can be pretty bleak, with the weak sun barely rising above the treetops in the southern sky.  It is a very comforting feeling to hit the couch, warmed on the outside by the stove and the inside by the whiskey, being entertained for 11 straight hours. 
3. The water cooler talk - Mondays used to be are terrible - just awful.  One of the rituals that got me through was recapping the game with colleagues, second guessing the critical calls and talking about that one spectacular catch.  I'm not sure if anyone has ever quantified the lost productivity on Monday mornings due to the NFL, but I bet it takes a couple hundredths off the GDP at least.
4. The skills - the athletes in the NFL are truly amazing and I admire the risk they take every game (they are, of course, more than amply compensated for this).  Watching them to their job is infinitely more interesting than me watching myself do my job. 
5. The media!  This is a HUGE part of it for me - I love reading about football, both from reputed writers and sketchy blogs.  I love reading Peter King's fifty thousand word rambling, pithy, often contradictory stories in his Monday Morning Quarterback for SI.  I love the Power Rankings and still remember Dr. Z.  I love reading the condescending douchebag Gregg Easterbrook in his Tuesday Morning Quarterback for ESPN, as he cherry picks his predictions to make himself look like a genius in a predictably haughty and transparent fashion.  I love (to hate) Bill Simmons and his tragically overused shtick.  I love Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber.  Fucking PTI and Around the Horn.  Among my fondest traditions of the last four years was waking up unnecessarily early on weekend mornings and bringing my coffee into the office, sitting at the desk in front of the window overlooking the woods and catching up on the previous days NFL news and stories.  Didn't matter if it was the off season, SOMEONE (Pacman Jones) had gotten arrested for doing something hilarious and was being pilloried in the press.

   

   I LOVE to hate this abominable prick

6. The daydreaming.  I'm probably not alone in fantasizing that if circumstances were slightly different, I could have been an NFL star.  In my head, I skip the bizarre high school and college football culture, get signed to the Patriots practice squad out of my cubicle and shock the world with my grit.  I would be the short white version of Wes Welker.  Peter King would say I lead the league in scrappiness and pseudo Danny Woodheadishness.  Chris Berman would obnoxiously yell "KHAAAAAN!" when replaying my highlights.  I would win the Super Bowl on a 99 yard screen pass as time expired and Tom Brady would embrace me in a whirlwind of confetti.  And I would sub on defense, where I would sack Brett Farve so hard, that yes, maybe he does think he will retire for good, goddammit.
7. My team was good.  Lucky me.  I could have been born a Browns fan, and that shit is not funny.
8. Tom Fucking Brady

Those eyes.  That smile.  That little noise he makes when I nuzzle his neck.  He's a good quarterback.

This is some good stuff.  Plenty of reasons to like football.  Of course, this is not the whole story.  Because there is a flip side which will ultimately bring me to the point of this long blog, for the three of you that are still reading (Mom?  Dad? Keira?)

1. Time; it's not on my side.  I've been avoiding doing this calculation for years because it is not going to be pretty.  There are 17 weeks to the regular season where I might on average watch three games a week, or 51 games.  You can bet I watch every playoff game, and there are eleven of those including Super Bowl, so I watch about 62 games a year.  At about three hours per game, that is (gulp) 186 hours a year or 2418 hours for the past 13 seasons.  About one hundred DAYS!!!  That's a lot of time - an actual 2% of my life over the course of 13 years.  Sitting on my ass, staring at men wearing tights doing completely irrelevant things.
2. It's worse than that.  As non football fans are fond of pointing out, there is not actually much football that happens in a game.  Sure the game clock starts at 60 minutes and takes about three hours to get to zero, but on average there is a mere 12.5 minutes of actual action in a game.  So for all of that time spent watching, a mere 7% of it is the actual football that I love.  What is the rest....?
3. ....Fucking advertising.  As unbelievably stupid as it seems when looked at objectively, we idiot Americans pay through the nose for massive TV's and access to these games (or any other equally pointless programming) for the privilege of being constantly marketed at.  And if you think you just ignore the stuff, you don't because you have eaten at a fast food joint, bought a luxury vehicle, sucked down a poisonous sugary beverage, and probably been suckered into buying yet another Apple product.  I make no claim of being immune here - advertising works, and I am sure I have spent thousands on crap I do not need because I have been willing to plug myself into the corporate marketing machine.  And don't talk to me about DVR - watching a game after the fact is pointless, and there is progressively more advertising built right into the game which is completely unavoidable.  (I recently read Salt Sugar Fat - some terrifying stuff in here about just how effective and ruthless processed food marketing in particular is).
4. The machismo.  I have a big issue with the insecurity complex we collectively have as a society which expresses itself as gun worship and nationalistic 'our humans are better than your humans' bullshit in real life, and as tough talk and posturing in the NFL.  I really get sick of the 'my sack is bigger than your sack and that's why I made up this sack dance' crap.
5. Many players are douchebags.  Just as in the rest of the world, some of these dudes are just plain assholes.  It is unsettling to consider, but in a way any NFL fan is complicit in the crimes the players commit, from OJ Simpson to Barret Robbins to Michael Vick to Aaron Hernandez.  These people would not have their vast resources were it not for their pointless although entertaining skills that we are happy to pay to watch.

   

   This is true.  Ray Lewis participated in a murder, got off because successfully hid his suit covered in the victim's blood and spent the next decade getting fellated on TV by the media for being a 'great competitor' and using that money to pay off his victim's family.

6. I'm indirectly supporting college football.  College football is seriously fucked up, and it is described in much more eloquent detail than I could cover here.  And most of the games are unwatchable blowouts.
7. TV is TV. It really does make you dumber.  I've probably sacrificed an IQ point a year to the NFL, and I base that on no data.
8. And finally:

   

   No caption required

 So where does this all lead me?  Well, I have put myself in a position this season where I am basically unable to watch football.  I am on the once in a lifetime trip and it would be a shame to have missed this to indulge my guilty pleasure:

Me, missing the afternoon game

I was able to watch one game, the week 2 Monday night affair at a camp site lounge.  The game was a dreadfully sloppy tilt between the Steelers and the Bengals, and I probably would not have watched the whole thing if I was not joined by an amusing retiree named Big Al for the duration. 

I am making no predictions about my relationship with the NFL for the future.  This road trip will likely be wrapped up in time for the playoffs and there will be ample opportunities to watch the occasional game on this trip without missing out, say, this:

Sorry, Tom - my precious days in Glacier National Park are more important than watching you in week 3.

As I write this it is towards the end of the laziest day on this road trip so far, thanks to the steady downpour and the 40 degree temperature here in northern Montana.  We have a safe quiet camp site with good internet access, and I have greedily gorged myself on NFL stories and blogs for the past 24 hours.  But the forecast for the next few days is sunny and beautiful, and I will spare few thoughts for what is going on in pigskin land.  I will forgive myself for the opening weekend lack of mindfulness and expect it to be easier in the coming weeks.

While it is possible that I will cure myself of this strange addiction and will find myself with 2% more time to find ways to be more awesome instead of indulging in this cultural past time, I expect a middle ground is more likely - we anticipate a life without cable when we settle down again, meaning I will have to be social if I want to go watch a game.  Just making it a bit more inconvenient should drastically cut my NFL time, and at the end of my life I do not expect I will wish I had spent more of my life watching football. 

PS. Coach B - I'm still unsigned.  Your receiving corps is looking a bit thin.  Tom has my number.  Call me.
PPS.  Ah, Tom - your season passer rating is below such luminaries as Chad Henne and Andy Dalton.  Work on that mkay muffin?

Fun isn't always fun. (Lindsay)

I've been contemplating this post for quite awhile and will attempt to come off as inspirational rather than condescending but no promises as this is a blog and I don't have an editor.  When we decided to take this trip, it was obvious to the three of us (Keira was included in this particular conversation) that we would spend most of our days outside using our own two or four feet to motor us along and see the beauty of this country.  We never thought to install a TV in the camper (I hit my head enough on the lights...) or to create a list of things to drive past and say we'd seen.  Our list consisted of various state and national parks, homes of family and friends, maybe a sports game or two, an odd prison here and there (more on that in a future blog) and a dose of animal shelter visits to feed my addiction. 

We knew we'd drive a lot to get to all these places but we never considered just driving through them.  So I have to admit that I am dismayed to see that the majority of tourists just drive through parks.  How do I know this?  Because our country is set up to do just that.  Drive.  And stare.  Pull over.  And stare.  And then drive to lunch.  I wish I understood it because it would make it easier to watch hoards of people miss out on the real beauty.  We had parked at "Inspiration Point" in Yellowstone's Grand Canyon to start a ten mile out and back hike of the rim.  We walked down to the point where a tourist was waiting for her picture to be taken.  She then turned to her husband complaining because there wasn't much a view.  She was right.  The view was (relatively) terrible. 

The view from "Inspiration Point" complete with metal bars.

Especially compared to this view a mere 1/4 mile down the trail. 

Or this unobstructed view.   Your choice.

While we clearly gravitate toward hiking and running, I'm pleased to see people doing any range of things in the wild as long as it gets them out of their car.  Kayaking, canoeing, fly fishing, rock climbing, bird watching, cycling (it takes some major balls to cycle past a bison), horseback riding, etc.  When I see people doing these things, it fills me up because I know they aren't just looking at a landscape or an animal.  They are feeling it.   

It becomes very clear to me the people who are there to see a wild animal and get that photo no matter what it takes and those who want to see them behaving normally in their original habitat and to experience the awe that comes with watching a pack of wolves traverse a valley.  I am an avid photographer but my desire for a decent picture is never overwhelmed by the need to just get a little closer.  (that's what zoom lenses are for people...)  Despite my hilarious sprint from bison a few weeks ago, they were, in fact, quite a distance away when I panicked.

This picture was at a ranger's station labeled "Bad Idea"

There is nothing like getting up on a Tuesday morning for your regular trail run in your local town forest and running into a black bear.  I drove to work that day giddy with a secret, looking out my car window at others and thinking, "enjoy your coffee because I ran away from a bear today".  Or watching your dog navigate a pack of coyotes who just happened to be on the trail a few months later.  Or that incredible chill in the air in early October when you're running on a trail of leaves and the equally moving experience of cross-country skiing on those same trails after a major snowstorm leaves all the trees a perfect white.

Why wouldn't you go here?

 



 Or here.

While it's frustrating to watch others pass up all these opportunities, it's equally annoying that we can't get the information we need because our culture caters to them.  We asked a friendly guy at an RV park if there were any trails within five miles.  His reply: "Like, so you can take your ATV"?  Uhh, no, so we can run with our dog.  (He didn't know of any so we ran a few blocks to the local track and did sprints.)

Others have kindly given us a map and pointed out areas they've "heard of" but advised we drive there because the trail is over a mile away.  Uhh, actually we can handle the mile there and the hike and then walk back but thank you for your concern.

While we expected some campgrounds to start closing this time of year, we were frustrated  to learn that the ones chosen are the ones most used by hikers and not RVer's.  Written off as a "result of sequestration" it seems odd that the primitive campground with a pit toilet and no showers really saved the budget.  So we stayed in one that required a 45 minute drive to start our hikes.  (Beautiful drives I'll admit).  Hikes we only knew about because we were encouraged to buy a trail map from the handy visitor store because Yellowstone doesn't just give out maps for hikers.  (they have plenty of free guides on the tourist attractions)  This dichotomy of resources would not exist if the majority of visitors were there to leave the road and enter the woods.

Even the bears are in on it.  After ten days of seeking out remote trails in the hopes of spotting one (from a safe distance of course), it was only on our last day driving through the park on our way out that we saw a Grizzly followed twenty minutes later by a Black bear mom and her cubs.  Catering to the drivies and not the walkies. 

We wouldn't have bothered walking ten miles into the wilderness if we knew you were at a parking lot.

I get it.  It's not always fun to move your body.  In fact sometimes, it plain sucks.  Especially in the beginning.  I've never struggled with weight but I wasn't particularly active seven years ago.  I started walking my dog on a trail near my house every morning.  About a mile or two; just walking.  Then I started running (very slowly) and Hated.Every.Step.  I couldn't make it a mile without getting stomach cramps and heaving.  So I did what I always do when I hate something and I tested myself.  Cue my first 5K when I had never run more than a mile.  I walked the whole thing with a cramp that incapacitated me.  Seven years later and, on most days, I feel good on a double digit hike or a four mile run. 

I repeat, most days.  Some days are awful and my body (or my head) is just not there.  Fun isn't always fun.  A concept that I think is hard to swallow in our culture of constant entertainment and ease.  It's not always about how we feel physically, it's about waiting for the reward to come to you.  Confidence that you can walk into the woods alone and come out the other side, a new level of patience (nothing tests your patience like nature), a reverence and sheer awe at a random sunrise or deer crossing the path and a calm, a real calm that doesn't come from sitting on your couch.  The old adage is true that one never regrets going out for that ______ (run, hike, etc.)

 

While this stereotype of the lazy American makes me sad, I have a real concern for what it's doing on a big picture level.  Because the kids I see hiking in the woods with their parents are vastly different from the kids I see screaming at the visitor center for candy.  I realize that all kids have temper tantrums but it can't be a coincidence that the toddlers I see in our parks aren't screaming while the eight year olds are moping.  Instead they're asking really hilarious questions like, "mom, what kind of poop is that?".  (Author's note: I have many friends who are parents.  Great parents at that whose children may not go camping regularly but who are always seen running around outside, usually barefoot and I believe that does the trick as well.)

And where is our generation in all of this?  Where are the dinks (double income no kids)? We've seen two types of tourists in the parks - the retirees enjoying their well-deserved time off and the parents trying to expose their kids to something new (yay you!).  What we haven't seen are American singles or couples out hiking.  We see plenty of European couples as it seems travel is more accepted in their culture and, more importantly, time off from work to do so. 

As I'm an animal person, you've also signed up to hear my diatribe about pets.  It's no surprise that the majority of cats and dogs in this country are not only overweight but obese and as a shelter person, I was also reminded on a weekly basis that many of the dog breeds we created to do jobs for us just don't fit into the average American's life anymore.  People are still surprised that their lab is so energetic.  (Educational moment: Labs and Goldens are retrievers and were bred to wait for us to shoot birds and then run and swim for long distances to retrieve said bird for our dinner).  So when we adopt them and resign them to a life on the couch with us, it has effects.  Sure, they look happy (and all are happy to be out of a shelter) because they adjust to this new life the same we do by napping the day away because of their generalized fatigue.

Keira enjoying a day of unstructured play where a leash doesn't dictate where she goes.

 



I had to continually remind myself at work that my idea of a "normal" exercise routine for a dog is not the normal for most people.  It was such a balance trying to educate people on their pets' exercise needs (this goes for most cats too) while trying not to scare off everyone but the marathon runners and the dog nerds who can't wait to spend hours with their new pet. 

It's not all about exercise either.  It's about unstructured play.  (my new favorite phrase)  And we've lost it as a culture.  Although I'm a very young woman, I happen to still be part of the culture that stayed out until it got dark and played sports in the backyard with the neighborhood kids.  I walked to school almost everyday - a few miles with a good friend and walked back rain or shine from the time I was in elementary school.  Over the past few years, I saw kids being picked up by the bus on our street.  We lived 3/4 of a mile from the high school.  Really?  Because there aren't any sidewalks?  And I think I understand the safety concerns but there is now plenty of research supporting the fact that we are creating a culture of people who cannot rely on their own experiences and instead dive into their cell phones for answers. 

The same applies to our dogs.  I know there are plenty of good reasons to keep your dog on a leash and there are some who truly need to be managed and contained.  But Keira isn't one of them and it's too rewarding for me to watch Keira sprint through the woods to stop me even though I know we could meet one of those "should be contained" dogs anyday.  I make educated decisions about where it's safe for her to go and where it's not.  Save for a mud slide into a river, we've been fairly successful. 

Unstructured play for both dog and child.  Success!

I believe those experiences for an animal or a child bring a mix of confidence, healthy fear and routine checking in with their parents for guidance.  One of my most powerful moments with Keira happened on a trail.  We had just started the run when I heard her yelp.  My girl is no wuss so I took her seriously.  She limped back to me, held up her paw, I looked it over seeing nothing immediately wrong and said, "do you want to go home or do you want to keep going?".  She turned around and sprinted off - no limp in sight.  Now, I don't claim she understood my question but I do think that she has enough confidence and experience at this point to know how much she needs me and what she can handle herself.  For this, I'm very proud of the dog she is today - vastly different from the insecure dog I saw at the shelter. 

Jim is a pro at unstructured play.  "I just want to see what's over this hill" and Keira is the queen of it so I'm fortunate to be reminded of this attitude everyday.  While visiting my family last month, I looked over to see my Uncle Rob holding a giant boulder while standing in the lake.  He was examining it carefully.  I turned to Jim who was also watching and we simultaneously said, "unstructured play".  Uncle Rob knows how to rock (pun intended) a day at the beach.

The good news is at least people are flocking to our state and national parks.  Getting away from the daily grind and breathing in some fresh air when they step out of their car to see a view.  And those people will likely leave with a reverence for the open spaces that are protected in this country - the big and the tiny.  I did not spot any wolves while in Yellowstone but I didn't need to.  I just need to know that they are out there, doing wolf things without much interference from us. 

So the next time you travel, do me a small favor.  Park at the destination to see that view that's been crafted for you and a million other people and then follow the trail just 100 feet in either direction and see what happens.