Mawage. That bwessed awangement, that dweam wifin a dweam. (Lindsay)

Today Jim and I celebrate our anniversary.  Five years ago and multiple attempts to force us together by mutual friends, we began this silly thing called a relationship.  I held a 4th of July party and after a few glasses of wine, I mustered up the courage to text him.  He drove a few hours, we played flip cup into the wee hours of the night, he was forced to run around my house (that's what you get for constantly losing) where he promptly broke his toe on a raised garden bed and the rest, as they say, is history.  (Ironic that while the country celebrated Independence Day, Jim lost all of his.  Mwa ha ha.)

Our first "date" (if one can call it that) ended with me walking my cat on a leash to his car where we stood awkwardly staring at one another until he broke the silence with a fist bump.  It was all.so.romantic.  After that, we found ways to spend time with one another even though we lived on different ends of the state and when I was sure we were a solid team, I did what any girl in love would do and moved across the country.  So we spent the next six months in an actual long-distance relationship.  Fate intervened and lured us both to the same area of New Hampshire in our 2nd year of love-ness where we bought a house together and lived happily ever after blah blah blah. 

Except we really did.  I'm consistently shocked and pleased that I still actually like him.  I start most days with "I still like you" and he always replies, "I know".  And when I look back at these crazy years, I realize how grateful I am to live in a time when this is all possible and mostly accepted.  I mean, I asked him out and I had the freedom to move across the country for a job opportunity and we bought a home together and shared it for four years.  Just a few dozen years ago (or less), I would have been ostracized for those choices.  But there is one piece that it seems with which our country still grapples.  So much so that it is constantly in the news.  And that piece is marriage.  (Mawage)

I am ecstatic about the Supreme Court ruling that killed DOMA because I whole-heartedly believe that everyone should have the freedom to make the choices that feel right to them.

Even grumpy cat agrees.

And while I don't wish to take any attention away from that victory, it has also become interesting to embark on a lifestyle that isn't quite understood yet - one where straight, gay, bisexual people choose not to get married.  Now, I'm not claiming to be fully discriminated against.  As I said, our friends and family, despite the occasional "when the heck are you getting married" question, are supportive of our choices but legally, we have some challenges.  (to be fair, we do use this frequently as fodder for practical jokes like when Jim faux proposes at a party)

Due to these challenges, Jim and I joke that we will get married when "it's beneficial for tax purposes".  But we do have some serious concerns about the lifestyle we have chosen.  I would have a heck of a time visiting him in a NH hospital in the event of a tragic accident or illness (immediate family my butt - I have literally picked ticks out of places on him where one should never have to pick ticks out of).  We cannot share health insurance unless we work for a progressive company that adds "partner" to their plan.  Thanks to Jim's last company, I had dental insurance!  But we had to open a shared bank account to get it.  Apparently that's what proves your commitment - scariest day of our relationship.  SHARED FINANCES - AHHHHH.  So Jim put in the minimum amount and promptly refused to give me access to the debit card.  Again, overpowering romance.

And don't even get me started on the kid thing.  If and when we decide to start a family, we will likely run into all kinds of issues.  While we're here and to answer that question outright, we still aren't sure but if we do, we will adopt - I don't want to ruin my figure - KIDDING - don't lose your sense of humor now.

Interestingly, the LGBT movement has actually helped pave the way for some of the rights I may enjoy as a non-married woman.  Adoption agencies seem to be more open to the idea of a non-married straight couple the way they've finally started to accept a married (or non-married) gay couple. 

Our friends sometimes say that common law marriage will protect us in most instances but this legal protection is actually quite rare in this country and in New Hampshire, it only matters if one of us dies (again, I can't stand the romance of it all).  Here is the actual definition:

New Hampshire recognizes common law marriage for inheritance purposes only, and the recognition begins only after the first spouse dies. In New Hampshire, a couple is determined to have been legally married if, after the death of one of the spouses, the surviving spouse can show that 1) the couple lived together for more than 3 years preceding the death of the other spouse, 2) the spouses had publicly acknowledged one another as husband and wife, (by their actions such as filing joint tax returns, using the same last name, wearing wedding bands, referring to each other as husband and wife, holding property jointly, etc. and 3) the couple was generally known as husband and wife in the community. Note that cohabitation alone, without further evidence of the couple holding themselves out as married, is insufficient to prove that a common law marriage has been formed.

Aka I get Jim's dining room set if he dies.  Maybe...

And I'm not missing the irony that NH is the "Live Free or Die" state.  You can choose to ride your motorcycle at 80 mph without a helmet but we aren't really recognized by our state unless I call him my husband in public.  Actually hilarious.  "And this is my husband, Jim, except we aren't married.  Oh, but we wear these rings so we can show our societal commitment to one another."  Feel better society?  Because apparently that's the only way I get my dining room table.

We have no idea if this road trip has just reset the clock on that three year requirement either.  I would argue, of course, that if two people can survive sharing a truck camper for a year then they have proven their "married-ness".  (we can't quite close the bathroom door when we use the toilet)

But the real question you all want to ask is "why"?  Why Lindsay?  Why wouldn't you marry the man you love when others are fighting tooth and nail for that privilege?  And I don't really know.  Just doesn't feel like me.  Sadly, society counters with "well, they must not really be happy" or "she's not actually sure if he's the one".  How about, we're two adults with shared morals and we don't wanna.

Here's what I know for sure.  I love Jim and he loves me (and Keira loves food) and that love may last many, many years until one of us dies (and I hopefully get the dining room table).  Or we'll grow apart at some point and hopefully say goodbye with mutual respect and a lifelong love for one another.  Who knows.  And I don't believe that marriage provides any better guarantee that two people will stay together - that's determined waaaaay before you ever walk down the aisle in your commitment to one another and ability to sort through challenges.

A hug is a strangle you haven't finished yet.

So fall in love with whoever you want (unless it's a four legged creature - I'm not okay with that.  Yet...) and get married or don't and have kids or don't.  Just be a good person and spend time with people who make you laugh every single day.

"All that I'm after is a life full of laughter"
Daughtry